sarah eve kelly

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I successfully defended my PhD research to scholars at Cambridge. I attended a May Ball (to wit: I wore a golden gown; I wore glitter in my hair and on my skin). I got real feedback - good and bad - from real editors at real publishing houses. I mastered Easy Sudoku.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Resolutions for 2009: a) to feel proud and less angry every day, or most days (no); to keep myself healthy (emphatic no); to keep working hard (yes); to see family and friends abroad more, viz. at all (yes); to be kinder and more attentive to the people I love (spotty).

Resolutions for 2010: to treat England like my home, rather than this place I’m on an extended visit to; to stop coddling myself and work harder; to rely less and less on other people; to drink more tea; to continually develop and redevelop real goals; to bake; to smile more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I’m at an age now when just about every woman I know is either pregnant, giving birth, or thinking about it. My dear friend Heather Goor had a beautiful daughter named Helena. Beyond that, there were about two dozen separate Big Conversations about The Future and Babies, with several different players involved.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

The United States in January and Canada in November-December.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Money.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

There are no particular dates this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

This is a real tossup, because I struggled a lot with my research, and I struggled a lot with my writing. In the end I managed to make both pass muster - for the moment, anyway. I passed my first Cambridge defence with flying colours and I managed to turn critiques into a novel I feel very proud of. But these are nebulous achievements, always depending on what comes next. So I’m still working.

9. What was your biggest failure?

My attempt to develop a sane, circadian schedule, and to enter each day with a sense of excitement and leave it with a sense of achievement.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, but I set myself up for both. I need to take better care of myself.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

This year wasn’t much of a year for buying, but I’d have to say my laptop. Though it went through a shirty phase and caused me no end of grief for a little while, it has a lovely springy keyboard and a massive hard drive and I’m very fond of it.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

The extraordinary group of writers I found myself part of. No hacks, no whiners, no no-hopers - just a lot of talented hard workers who take a lot more shit than they deserve. I’m honoured to be among them.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

I’m thinking of her name, but refuse to put it into such a public forum.

14. Where did most of your money go?

To tiny, death-of-a-thousand-cuts living expenses.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going on submission to editors; moving back to London from Cambridge; starting my new novel.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

‘Such Great Heights’, Postal Service.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? I’d say I’m happier - I spent a lot of this year trying to evolve, and I think I achieved that in a few small ways.

ii. thinner or fatter? Semper eadem, but I’m not as healthy as I was this time last year.

iii. richer or poorer? Unquestionably poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Same as last year: I wish I’d talked to people more. I wish I’d felt more urgency and initiative about things outside my work.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

I wish I’d spent fewer of my waking hours feeling afraid. My life has been set up in such a way that I have a massive net of love and light and well-wishers around me, and my fear has been hugely disrespectful of that. Notwithstanding it’s a waste of time and energy: things are what they are; things are what you make them. No sense being afraid.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

As I always do, with my husband and mother-in-law right here at home. Love the lovely small Christmases.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?

No idea yet, but I’ve had my surfeit this year of parties that feel like rush-hour Tube carriages. Something quiet with good friends and good music.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I stayed in love. I fell in love again and again.

23. How many one-night stands?

The Cambridge ladies just aren’t into that. Not any I met, anyway.

24. What was your favourite TV program?

I imbibed the BBC’s Robin Hood; I took in some Spooks; some Boston Legal; and some other stuff. But Grey’s Anatomy pretty much dominated my year in television, which the Me of June 2009 would scoff at pretty ceaselessly. But hell, what do I know: it’s a good show. Also, Law & Order has been absolutely bloody flawless this year.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. I try not to do that anymore. I almost wish I did: what I’m fighting this year is indifference.

26. What was the best book you read?

Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel was a novel that robbed me of all my words. There is no contest.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Reid Jamieson is pretty great. PSAPP. Go Get Go. It was a year of good music, but no particular standouts.

28. What did you want and get?

An iPod Touch, courtesy of pretty much one of the best guys in the world, Colby Cosh. Some clarity about my PhD research, courtesy largely of me. A trip to Canada. Some time with my brother; time with my aunt and uncle; time with my cousins. As of Christmas, a netbook, which means that I have absolutely no gizmo-related excuses not to be a big genius next year.

29.What did you want and not get?

Security. A sense that I’m going where I need to go. I spent a few years of my life being able to trust myself for anything and everything, and I lost that; this year didn’t see it come back.

30. What was your favourite film that you saw for the first time this year?

It was a dismal movie year for me. Frost/Nixon was excellent, but didn’t push me where it hurts. Revolutionary Road was utter kaka. The Reader was all right but I don’t know if I like where it’s taking us. The Young Victoria was gawdawful. Mostly I didn’t see enough movies.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was in London, in our new flat, and I worked. Later we had a birthday/housewarming knees up and got our inaugural wine stain on the living room carpet. It was - no lie - the best birthday I’ve had in years, thanks to friends and loved ones. I turned thirty-one.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Trusting myself; being self-sufficient; being confident.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Static. Almost no new clothes were bought this year. I noticed I have a pair of legs; I put them to some use. Mostly my fashion concept involved losing beautiful earrings, and wearing - as usual - a lot of black, with the odd alarming red top thrown in. Cleaving to cleavage &c.

34. What kept you sane?

I’m not sure anything did, although that does my husband and close friends a terrible disservice. All the insanity was on my end this year, and it was both excellent and terrible, but do I have a single memory of taking a deep breath and seeing everything rationally? Not really.

(Although: writing group FTW. Those guys are awesome.)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Katherine Heigl. My God.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Definitely not the MPs’ expenses scandal. I’m ashamed to report that my head was in the eighteenth century or earlier for most of this year - as it is most years. I’ll have to have a look round and see what’s happened.

37. Who did you miss?

My brother. I once had a e-brawl with an acquaintance of mine who had determined not to miss people who were far away, because what was the point, and my argument was that missing is involuntary, like an itch or a sneeze, and we can’t stare down our sneezes, yes? But now that there are so many people to miss, the missing has to be compartmentalized so that we don’t lose our minds. I don’t know if I’m happy about this, or relieved, or ashamed, but I try very hard not to miss people, and succeed in a spotty kind of way.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I always think this is an unfair question. It puts you on the spot, and it puts the person - if there is such a person - even more on the spot. It particularly puts the people who aren’t that person on the spot. So in future: not answering this question. Also not answering it in the present. In fact, I’m determined that there’s a better meme out there somewhere.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Some of the most extraordinary and wonderful of life’s experiences happen because we were backed into them, catapulted into them, dragged kicking and screaming towards them. You can prescribe a perfect life for yourself, and I can almost guarantee that it won’t make you happy. The unexpectedness, the obligation of life is what makes it three-dimensional and beautiful. Having the odd afternoon to yourself to write is an amazing thing; arranging your life so that every afternoon is given over to writing makes it exponentially less amazing. Do things that hurt you; do things that annoy you. It makes everything else feel just a bit more wonderful.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Wait, wait till you doubt no more
Wait till you know for sure
And you will wait too long

-Go Get Go, ‘Wait’

Happy 2010, my intrepid ones.

Till next time, &c &c.

Related posts:

1. the end of the year
2. that time of year