Comments on: teaser tuesday

By: admin

admin — Wed, 06 May 2009 12:15:12 +0000

Thanks so much for the pointers, yall. Knew I could make it better and now I know how! xx

By: Shana Silver

Shana Silver — Wed, 06 May 2009 02:15:51 +0000

The first person works so well! I can’t believe this didn’t start out that way! The voice immediately put me in the time period. Very nice.

One nitpicky comment: the first line jarred me a bit. The clauses have different subjects so I had to read a few times to figure out what was “freed at last” the sun or the narrator.

Shana Silver’s last blog post..Teaser Tuesday

By: JM Donahue

JM Donahue — Wed, 06 May 2009 01:08:26 +0000

Wow, this is beautiful writing. I Love the first person, present tense - you handle it well without distracting the reader and that is no easy feat. Watch those adverbs sprinkled in as I think you can find stronger verbs. The description, dialogue and pace is excellent - you make it look effortless. There is an essence to this piece that reminds me a bit of Woolf, and I absolutely adore her. Well done! JM Donahue’s last blog post..sign of the times

By: Rose Pressey

Rose Pressey — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:12:53 +0000

Oh, I want to read more. I love first person.

By: houndrat

houndrat — Tue, 05 May 2009 20:24:06 +0000

Wow, I think this is so well-written–the pace was really brisk! I think you do first person present wonderfully!

One tiny comment–the part about the soiled gown balled up “into” one arm threw me a little. Would a better word maybe be “under”? Or perhaps I just missed the intent….

houndrat’s last blog post..Teaser Tuesday